Would a cow patty by any other name still smell as sweet?

If I were in an elevator for a 15-second ride with an ”omnipotent being who has the ability to make my career lucrative, effortless and now”, I would not ask this question.  I would hand them my CD with a charming smile and spew my 15-second elevator pitch that would convince them to listen to my CD optimistically and with the goal of making my music career lucrative, easy and now.

So that means I need a 15-second elevator pitch pronto in case I get in an elevator tomorrow.  And, “I’m Kat, listen to this, ok?” probably won’t cut it– and is really much shorter than 15 seconds unless I drag it out or repeat it with a couple different accents.  Good thing I’m taking the 9 Weeks to Music Success challenge to help summon a pitch to the page.

I need to describe myself in 15 seconds.  Using a reference to another artist could provide context, but it’s got to remain uniquely me.  It’s got to be an honest reflection of what I’m about but with the additional edge of being a shimmering lure that will draw a stranger into me, making them want me, need me, love me!  (Gasp)  I feel like I’ve struggled with this all my life.

As my dad was in the air force, my family moved around every 2 to 3 years.  So every 2 to 3 years I had to assert my identity again.  I would sit at a new school in a new town among a new set of strangers who knew nothing about me.  And a reference to me didn’t help no matter how enthusiastic I tried to be.  “I was the girl who saved Billy from those ominous grade 6s and made the grade 4s feel safe while pirouetting and making the whole class laugh. Remember? I was loved!  Oh, you don’t remember, you weren’t there, you don’t know me, how could you love me?” (Sigh)  With every new environment, I would emit a hefty childhood sigh and start at the beginning… again.  How do I make you love me?  How do I make you love me fast?  ‘Cause I promise you will love me and we’ll be the best of friends and have the time of our lives.  But we need to hurry ‘cause I’ll be moving away in 2 to 3 years and we don’t have much time!

Auditions give me similar emotional commotion.  I want to bellow at the auditioners, “Come on, just pick me!  Spare me the song and dance and let me get to the singing and dancing already! I can do this easy!  Let’s get to it!  Let’s get to the show!!!  Stop auditioning other people!  We’re wasting time!  Let’s get to rehearsals!  We open in 8 weeks!”  I feel like I want to scream to the world, “Just trust me!  I can do it!  I’ll be brilliant!  You’ll love me!  I’ll make you laugh!  I’ll make you cry!  I’ll make you pee your pants—“ Okay, this isn’t turning into a good elevator pitch at all!

If only I could prove myself in one dynamic instant.  If only I could give you a wink that would place in your mind’s eye a vision of me performing one of my songs.  And in that dynamic instant you would sense the core of my spirit, the joy and the gloom, my love for an honest laugh and a sincere cry, and my capacity to leave a constructive footprint before I go.   But I can’t.  So I need a 15-second elevator pitch for when I encounter that ”omnipotent being who has the ability to make my career lucrative, effortless and now.”

Okay, here I go.  Picture it: You and me in an elevator traveling in the direction of your choice.  Would you believe this pitch?  Would it make you love me?

I’m Kat Leonard.  I combine the pizzazz of Liza Minnelli, the passion of k.d. lang, the wackiness of Cyndi Lauper and the sass of Madonna.  Madcap and profound, I’m a quirky pop music dynamo whose music oscillates unpredictably between heartfelt and hilarious, leaving you with the drunken joy of a sugar rush.

Eh?  You feeling the love?  Come on, love me!

Love KAT